Things I Thoroughly Despise with a Burning Passion

Now when I was little and I used to say the word ‘hate’ my mom would look me in the eye and say, “Christina, Hate is a strong word.” Most children would disregard this. But my mother is not a lady you cross (seriously as the boys I grew up with, they are STILL a little scared of her). All she had to do was give me the look. It could make a grown man wet his pants. Instead of using the word hate so my mother can know she has had a profound effect on my life..I have titled this blog

Things I Thoroughly Despise with a Burning Passion

Wet Towels on the Bed- If you put your towel on my bed I will revoke your towel privileges. How does it feel to drip dry in the shower? Shake like a dog? Try to use toilet paper to get dry? Sorry I’m not sorry.

Out of control facial hair- I am very vocal about my dislike for unkempt facial hair. No Shave November nearly Put me over the edge. Seriously I was walking around with a razor in my purse with some barbisol chasing after the atrocity of beards that were in a 3 mile radius. Now that its December, please keep it to a minimum gentleman. I’m trying to avoid beard burn during the holidays.

The Annoying Guy at the Party- Why is he so close to my face? Why is it that everywhere I go he seems to find me? Even when I go pee he tries to come to the bathroom with me. I literally just ran away mid-conversation and he didn’t take the hint. He offered me alcohol and I refused. This should be a great hint at my lack of interest. I am so confused.

Shia, my love..has no idea I exist. He also still looks hot with a broken arm. Swoon.

Hot Guy that is totally not interested in me and by hate (sorry mom) I totally mean I still want you but have come to the sad realization that we will no longer lock eyes across a crowded dance floor and find love in a hopeless place.

SERIOUSLY!

Girls who look good at the gym- Dear Gym Bitties, take off the eyeliner, stop wearing so much spandex and color coordinating your outfit. It’s sickening. Ok, I will admit it. I am a little jealous. You do look really pretty while running. What is your secret to not sweating? Why don’t you look tired after four miles? Oh now you’re going to do an ab workout? You’re a stupid bitch.

The two freshman in the corner making out at a party- Okay, so after four years of college you learn that making out in public probably isn’t one of the best ideas you’ve had. It’s okay we all do it. So when I see the two drunk children making out in the corner while dry humping each other I get a little nostalgic..okay... not really that’s friggin' disgusting take it back to your freshman dorm please.


Forehead Kisses- This is a little inaccurate. Forehead kisses are great. They are endearing and show you care in a protective, “I will punch someone in the face if they hurt you” kind of way. It’s very sweet. But I think that they should be reserved for the far and few. Forehead kisses should not be given away like free candy. They should be kept locked up awaiting for someone who you will not only attack a human being for but who makes your stomach do the flip flop nana banana bing bong.

The Dumb Crying Bitch- She’s probably crying about some asshole who clearly isn’t as invested in the relationship as she is or else he would be there making her laugh and paying for her drinks. She’s got her entire girl posse rubbing her back, giving her inspirational advice like “He probably just has a hard time expressing himself emotionally because he’s a guy”. What a load of bullshit that is. Pick your friend up give her a shot of tequila, tell her the fucking truth, peel her off the bar at the end of the night, and help her put her pjs on when you take her home.

One Word Answers- OK. SURE. YES. NO. COOL. GREAT.

When you think you’re the man- We get it, everyone loves you. Your smart, charming, attractive, funny...does your list of talents ever end? You want to know what really makes you the man. Playing scrabble with your Nana every Monday. Forgetting you’re the man for five minutes to see how everyone around you is doing.





Well everyone, I know this blog was filled with entirely too much cheer so I just wanted to let you know that I LOVE puppies. They make my heart melt like a popsicle on the 4th of July. I am immediately a better, kinder, caring, and more considerate person when I am near a puppy. HINT HINT.

Happy Holidays,

Love (even though it doesn't exist)...The Bitter Bitch.