Why I hate men {Drunk Blogging}

Ok ffirst of all, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING on in your teeny tiny little brains? Not much I bet, Except for your epic need to get laid all the time. Like seriously, put a cork in in guys. We know, you're all cheating lying whores. No need to pretend your honest and faithful. All you do is sit around all day and plot the evil things you can do to drive us crazy. Like leaving the toilet seat up. How many times does a girl have to dfall into toilet water for you to fucking stop. Do you think it's funny? Cause I guarantee when you grab my ass and I saY "Oh well I fell in your toilet earlier today" you will NOT be laughing.

Maybe I will though.

Also, what is up with this whole being cute thing. It makes it incredibly hard for me to dislike you when you tell me you think I'm funny or compliment my watch. Those are what we like to call mindgames.

Mindgames:
Mindgames are hideous yet kind of fun. We all are like, " I just wish he'd say how he' feels" but you know the second that happens all those nervous butterflies and cute smiles disapear and it's all sweat pants and pizza.  Oh does he like me? Oh does he not? Oh does he even remember I exist? You know that all women are suckers for attention. Seriously, girls You know you are. Even more, we get all confused and semi jealous when you stop talking to us for one hot second. First we think "Oh my god is he okay!!!" Then it's "That LYING BASTARD..HE IS TOTALLY BANGING SOME OTHER CHICK RIGHT NOW" to...."Oh he just messaged me, he's definitely prince charming!!!!".


Nice things
Stop being nice. It annoying, and by annoying (sidenote, it took me a good seven times to write "anonying right"..ahhh fuck it) I mean incredibly endearing and not okay. Don't be nice. We do not want to care about you. Because 6 months down the road when we finally decide we're infatuated with you you;re aLL " Hey it was a great run but I don't think I want anything serious". Then about 3 months later you're engaged to some blonde bimbo who works at Supercuts. Oh really NOTHING serious. Did you know engagement leads to marriage asshole!!!???



Looking fucking awesome with little to no effort
How does your ass look better in jeans than mine? Okay, granted my but is non ecxistant but most men look  phenominal after a shower and getting dressed. This takes about 3 hours for me to even look genuinely attractive and "hit-on-able". Okay, I don't even get hit on. Except for this one time this guy told me he wanted to suck my lipstick off my face. I'm STILL wondering how he thought that would woo me?

You are physically stronger than us
Listen girls, men can lift shit and you can;t. Use your assets to make them lift shit all over the place for you. They may be physically stronger but mentally you can outwit them anyday. Well unless your dumb and you suck.

You THROW My friends off porches...
Now gentleman, it is perfectly okay to be an asshole to me. But when you inflict pain on my girlfriends I will forever hold a vendetta against you.

Okay, my wine glass is getting kinda empty and I'm getting pretty tired. So I think it;s time I took a nap. A 6-9 hour long one known as sleep.

SEE YA LATAH ALLAHGATAHS.