This one's for the bitties.
Bitties: A word that originally came from the phrase "tig ol' bitties", meaning big ol' titties, which then got shortened to bitties therefore referring to women's breasts. The word has evolved and recently can be defined as any type of women one finds attractive or wants to "get with".
*As defined by the lovely folks at Urban Dictionary
I felt the need to elaborate a LITTLE more... (shocking I know)
Dear Bitties,
In your tiny way too tight easy access skirt and ever so revealing sheer tops (we get it, you're a bulls eye, you clearly WANT IT). This ones for YOU!
(Also, how the fuck is that comfortable? Can you breath? Is that why you're trying so hard to go home with that guy, because there is NO oxygen flowing to your brain!?)
May you one day realize that laughing at all of his jokes even when they royally suck will merely fill up their ego (AND something else may rise too) but not their heart or mind.
Sidenote: I'm not sure men even have brains most days...
May you understand that your photo does not have all those likes because you're pretty BUT because you're half naked and about to have a nip slip of Janet Jackson proportions.
May you realize that your overwhelming dependency on "mommy" and "daddy" for ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY everything and calling them that makes every man want to sprint as far away from you as possible.
It also makes those of us who had to wait three months for that $75 top to go on clearance at Urban Outfitters and still couldn't afford it want to push you down a flight of stairs.
Please, please please absorb that quoting Marilyn Monroe on a daily basis does not make you an intellectual. Or deep, or cute. Audrey Hepburn was far more bad ass anyway.
Understand that the reason he doesn't talk to you after you hookup is because that's all he wanted to do. Yes, that's tough to grasp, but here's a hint, that's all 98% of boys are after. The sooner you learn this the easier your INCREDIBLY difficult life will be.
 |
| *This is a generalization, girls with boobies are smart too! |
and when you tried to change the channel from ESPN in the morning to "Hoda and Kathy Lee" you are lucky you made it out of the bedroom alive
BY THE FREAKING WAY: ESPN was on as a hint for you to leave.
I AM JUST HERE TO HELP OKAY!? Don't shoot the messenger.
And may you always remember that the boys dick around with the bitties but they marry the smart chicks.
***Feel free to cross over to the dark side of black rimmed glasses, big sweaters, and large cups of coffee, hey we even throw kahlua in it..! We will be waiting to welcome you with our open non-orange arms and intellectual conversations.
So please stop bragging about how many shots of Smirnoff raspberry you
can take, shut your legs, and get working on that paper that's due Monday. Because
contrary to popular belief...a good education will do more than pay for
the heat to keep you warm at night, it will also buy you a really big
closet for lots of shoes, lots of shoes that "mommy" and "daddy" will eventually stop paying for.Now please don't be insulted or think I am singling you out (remember I have blogged about my mutual hatred of men & women MANY TIMES) I understand it's all one big mind fuck of a game. I've had my share of unintelligent decisions. How about we put down the eyeliner every once in a while and pick up a book. It may not have the immediate affect that attention from the male species can provide you however, I can guarantee you it certainly will last longer than his interest in you.
Peace, Love, and Books over Dumb-asses,
Christina
