Text of the Day

(207): Just my luck. The non druggiest person...at the druggiest campus.
(207): Hahahaha yessir. I mean what else is there to do in nh?
(207): Take a tour on the Thomas Laighton!
(207): No idea what that even is and I feel bad you do.

(207): That's the fucking boat I work for.


Boyfriend of the year award goes too....

How to not impress the ladies

Dear Horny Group of Average Looking Mid-Twenties Men who have clearly haven't watched Wedding Crashers to actually get the girls,

     Oh yes whistle and hoot at me. What a great idea. Call me your "grey goose girl" that is really going to make me swoon. While you're swaying around drunkenly trying to find the bathroom I am trying to facilitate a wedding in a three hour span with mother's of both the bride and groom up my ass and a grouchy caterer. Making suggestive remarks while trying to find my face between the triple vision and your meandering eyeballs really makes me want to go home with you. Call me crazy but I kinda like it when a guy can pronounce all his words clearly and look me in the eye, but maybe I'm just old fashioned like that. Your version of "sexy" to Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leopard falls somewhere in the category of Simon Cowells chest hair and my dad's toenails. Loosen that tie up a little more, untie your shirt, and take another shot, you look so handsome when you're disheveled, stained, and red in the face. In between your hiccups and slurs maybe I can hold your tie up for you when your puking into a side street later tonight. That will put the whipped cream and cherry on top of my shit fest of a week! Oh please please please ask me if I will go out with you later. How did you know I wanted to spend my evening with you? Was it the fact that the groom told me I could punch you in the face? Was it the excitement written all over my face as I cleaned up you and your buddies spilled drinks and dirty napkins? Was it when I cut you off of the bar!? Oh c'mon which of my friendly advances led you to believe I had even the most remote interest in you? Don't make me do it, oh you left me no choice. I must make you feel old and creepy now by letting you know I am not of age to drink. What! You feel bad for me! That's such a nice thing to say. You the belligerent mess with the sweaty face using that pole to keep yourself upright. Thank you for telling me you feel bad for me. I totally wish I was in your position right now about to keel over and toss my cookies all over my shoes, wipe the snot and mess off my face, and hop on over to the bars where I will try to bump and grind with chicks in hopes that they will let me get in their pants. Oh keep yelling, " I know girls like you" fourth times the charm buddy. Still not changing my mind. Go play with yourself and get the hell out of my vision line.

Peace, Love, and Sassyness

Always here to give you my daily dose,

Teen

Hello Fall! Summer, I apologize for neglecting you.

I know when it's time to go back to school everyone wonder's where their summer went. I don't really wonder where it went, I know. I worked on average 50 hours a week, I took an online course, I was in two weddings, I took a trip to Floria, and I had a bunch of doctors and dentist appointments. What a boring summer.

I am going to share a list of things I seriously wish I could have done this summer

1.) Get a tan
I am so pale, you'd think I lived in Alaska.

2.) Visit a farmers market
I am trying to get into this healthy sustainable living as well as eat locally produced food. Heads up this is pretty difficult if you're never home and a poor college student.

3.) Go to a sox game
The only time I have ever been was when I was like 10 and more concerned with getting popcorn and a Fenway Frank. Lets be honest I still want those things but I might actually pay attention to the game now!

4.) Spend all day at the lake
Just read a book, barbeque, and hang with friends

5.) Visit South Portland
Everyone always talks about how boring SoPo is and how there is nothing going on in Maine. But I love it. Willard has the best seaglass, Red's, Beals, SPHOP, friends, family, our ever expanding mall, cruising down highland ave, seeing everyone I know at Millcreek Hannaford, Local Acapulco. It's home and I wish I could visit Maine more often in general.

6.) Save more money
Weddings, rent, bills, gas, food. This is probably going to be a constant fixture, always trying to save money...which is actually a good thing. (At least I'm trying)

7.) Babysit.
I have a big girl job...but kids are way more fun to hangout with and they are adorable.

8.)Excercise
I suck. It's so difficult to get into a routine.

9.) Go to the beach more than once.
I went once in Florida...in June. Enough said.

10.)Start a business plan whether its for my future gourmet lunch cart ( it's a lifelong goal to just sell yummy lunch food to hungry tourists and people on breaks), my restaurant and catering company, or my event planning company
I plan for the future...entirely too much.