A Big Heartfelt Birthday Thank You

I am going to regret being nice...I just know it.


Those of you who know me understand that I have a hard time expressing my emotions. Well not anger, hatred, and surly behavior but the nice ones. In the spirit of my birthday I wanted to take a moment out of my evil thoughts to thank everyone who helped to make my birthday (fake birthday and real) a super happy go lucky, dance in my tiara, fall to the pavement, eat lots of red velvet cake, drink galore, super-exciting and overwhelmingly amazing experience.

That's me..making a heart with my hands...or trying at least.

This past year was insanely difficult for me. I experienced heartbreak (you all wonder what made me so terribly pissed off at men), mentally and physically demanding college courses, loss of a family member as well as a friend, a demanding work schedule, and some incredibly shitty hangovers...

(In which I actually prayed to God ((any and all religious figures actually)) that if they were to just end my hangover that INSTANT I would forever be a devout follower of them and NEVER take another sip of the pukey punch of booze again) Don't act like you haven't done that either. You're all guilty.

Anyway, for a while there I was REALLY freakin' lost. Why do shitty things keep happening? What is wrong with this world? Will I ever get a chance to come up for air? I felt like I was constantly being smacked in the back of the head and tackled into the water by ginormous waves. Sometimes it's hard to admit too. I was stubborn. I didn't want to admit that I was literally barely making it up for air.

I think I was somewhere about 2/3 of a way down a skinny girl margarita this August when I felt another wave coming. If any of you know me I'm not really the type of person who lets the ocean of life consume her. I'm a little to busy kicking it right smack in the balls with my stilettos. So guess what!? I decided to finally fight back. Which, I am going to encourage anybody who might find themselves in this position to do. Stand up, look that fucking wave right in the eye and don't let it take you down. Smile at the wave, make friends with those next to you being beaten by the ocean as well. Lean on some shoulders for support, kiss a couple of fishies that happen to philander on by, hell hop on a boat and laugh in the face of the wave.

Shitty things happen to everyone. Life's a bitch, be a bigger, better, stronger one.

Once I started to do this it became a lot more clear to me that the amazing people, opportunities, and education I have been given out-weighed these incredibly crazy and unkind things that kept happening.

That even if bad things continue to happen I had this lovely little support system of people. People who make me laugh, who snuggle like champions, who pour me another glass of wine, who hug like they mean it, who appreciate a good Bruins win, who do things without asking for anything in return, who can carry on a conversation of purely sexual innuendos, those who work hard for the things they have and appreciate them as well. Those people... family and friends really helped me to beat the living daylight out of those infuriating waves.

Ugh, kicking ass is SO exhausting.

So thank you...to everyone. SERIOUSLY. After I write this I am going to completely black it out and claim I never said any of this.


Special thanks go out to my mom (WENDEL), dad (cupcake), my brother, sister-in-law, Little Rocco, Stephanie Masters, Molly O'Brion, Tom Biskup, Chelsea Leishman, Emily Ballard, Anna Lyke, Aaron Harvey, and every guy I've kissed since...July (wait, boys kiss bitter, evil bitches)?!


Lots of Love (just this once),
Teen

Coming Home: The people you want to see and those well yeah..

You know what I'm talking about. It's break (Thanksgiving, Christmas..pick any holiday)...you're finally 21 and you get to go to your towns local 'hot' spots to grab drinks with your friends. You inevitably run into every person you went to high school with and then some. 

My friend came up to me after the third night looked me in the eye and said "I can't do this anymore, I cannot have the same conversation with another person one more time."

Let me explain:
GIRLS
"Hiiiiii how areeeee you you looook soo great!" (embrace with hug)
"Where are you going to school again...oh nice what's your major!" (Half the shit you already know from facebook)
 "Are you still with what's his face?"
"No we don't speak that cheating bastards his name." (cue in awkward moment)
"Have you seen (insert mutual friend name here)? "
"You haven't well they are around here somewhere!"
"Oh wow that's awesome!"
"Yeah I love coors light too!"
 "Youuuu look so great did you lose weight?"

 GUYS
"Hey man how's it going dude" (strange man embrace with some handshake, man hug, pound-it  thingy I can't do)
"Yeah I have seen you in a minute"
"Just hanging out finishing up school, still playing hockey"
"Haha yeah been checkin' into the woodshed quite a bit with a couple of different bitties"
"Did you see what's her face"
"Yeah man did her tits get bigger or what?"

Then it's...

That girl who was too cool for you in high school suddenly says Hi or that guy you had a crush on as a freshman in high school buys you a drink and drunkenly starts hitting on you.

There are the people you would rather not see, the people you're indifferent about, and there's the few people who you run up to and leap into their arms of pure excitement. (Oh I'm sorry that's how I greet people I truly adore, maybe some of you still go for the hug but I prefer a dramatic scene similar to when Baby jumps into Patrick Swayzees (RIP) arms in Dirty Dancing.)

Unfortunately, I've never been able to FULLY execute this.

So you have your reunions, you smile deviously at that cute guy you want to make out with (what, no I've never done that!), you buy people you barely know shots, and at the end of the night you're a little exhausted from all of it. So many people stuffed into about 2.5 hours of loud music and overpriced drinks. There's the bumpin' and grindin, exchanging of numbers (most you will never use), and running around like a drunken idiot. Lets be honest, you wouldn't see 85% of these people if you weren't at this hole in the wall bar.

What I'm trying to say is we can't blame ourselves or anyone. Life happens. We grow up and we change. We all go off on our ways becoming strange little adults adventuring off on our own. We forget to keep in touch with each other. But every once in a while we get our shit together and we make it happen.

 I learned that drinking 3 bottles of wine and eating massive amounts of pizza while reconnecting with my loud, crazy, friends is extremely more gratifying than standing in a crowded bar screaming to have a conversation. That late night trips to Burger King and car dancing like a nut job builds a better friendship than lifeless conversations with captain and cokes at the bar.

Somewhere along the line home changes. It's not the place you sleep anymore. It's that friend who knows your favorite candy and buys it for you just because, the person who helps you wash the dishes after a party, or backs your ass up even when you're blatantly wrong. They don't question it they just do. Those are the people you want in your life. Those are the people you would tackle to the dirty bar floor in embracing in a giant bear hug of love, affection, and potentially and STD or two if you're at the HOASIS.

So there it is. I do kind of sort of in my own twisted dysfunctional way...have a heart.



Now go fuck yourself.