How to make any girl fall in love with you..

Hello Gentleman,

I am here to give some great advice with a shit-oad of sarcasim and a mild tone of bitchyness all for the greater good of men and woman on this earth. Aren't I just the best!

HOW TO MAKE WOMAN FALL IN LOVE WTH YOU, or at least like you a lot.

Instant swoon, I bet he never leaves wet towels on the bed!

Really guys I feel like we all need to know what makes women just absolutely swoon over you or you know at least want to sleep with you on the regular. Also I should point out I'm not talking about the easy girls. You know the ones you meet at the bar, makeout with, take home, and "casually sleep with" while she thinks you're dating. Thouh I am sure they are SO MUCH FUN! I'm not talking about just sex. I'm talking about the chase, the awkward should I hold your hand..is it okay if I kiss her courting, and some sort of actual relationship. Also, if this doesn't work, she really doesn't have any interest in you. Go find some random woman at the bar, you'll survive. You're a man, hunt and gather some ladies!

First thing is first lets talk about appearances. Now we all know once you are in a relationship it's perfectly okay to look like a slob from time to time. But if you seriously want a girl to consider you please put a little effort in to yourself. Fix your facial hair (if you can grow any) , buy some new kicks every once in a while, and wear clothes that fit. Do not wear your glow in the dark ghetto ganster shirt the first time you see this chick, make sure there isn't a stain on your shirt, and throw the goddamn shirt n the dryer to loosen a few wrinkles. SO EASY, SO APPRECIATED.

Make fun of us. By make fun, I mean poke fun. No do not poke our "love handles". Do not embarass us in front of everyone but making  joke about how much useless stuff is in our handbag or how messy our car is can be cute. Just don't call us fat. Ever. Especially when were eating.

If we think tuna is chicken, feel free to harass us.



Kittens=Boobies. Beer is yummy.

Follow our cues..for example if I laugh at something you say and touch your leg that means I wouldn't mind if you touched me..(no don't go straight for my kittens, be a little discreet you horn-ball, it's called affection not groping) If we say how much we love Red's ice-cream suggest we go grab some vanilly crunch coat cones, if we walk in front of you, check out our ass...get it? I hope so. Also, if my beer is empty, please hand me another one.
Complement something about us. If you really wanna earn extra points make it original. But anything from ,"I like your earrings" to "you're legs looks great in that dress" works for us.
Deep down were all attention whores.

Make a joke, do something stupid..please do not show off.  It's not sexy to watch a guy get in a fight. Don't try to seem cool and tough around your friends cause then we are going to know how much of an insecure pansy you are. Unless someone insults my shoes. Then feel free to brawl.

But honestly, humor and being okay with being a little silly go a long way. It shows us your comfortable with who you are.



This is cute.

This is not.

Don't be afraid to show off your nerdy side too. If you know all of the presidents in alphabetical order or collect Spider-man comics we're only going to find you more endearing. Except of course if you collect actual spiders and dress up like George Washington for Halloween, wig wooden teeth and all.



If you can make a girl laugh you can make her do anything. Remember that. If you abuse it she won't be laughing and neither will her angry girl posse either.



Make some decisions. I think especially around my age bracket (18-30) women make a lot of the decisions about what you're going to do in your relationship/dating life. Guess what, we don't like it all that much. For once pick the movie, the restaurant, tell me that we're going to watch some football game in the freezing cold weather. Half the time it doesn't even depend where we're going. We just want to snap a picture, post it on Facebook, and make everyone else feel jealous we have a hot boyfriend and are doing way cooler shit than they are.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, just ask us what we want!!!

She loves her new bikini, handbag, and flowers!

I just had this conversation the other day. A girl's boyfriend bought her Celtics tickets for her birthday. She thought, "Wow I'd really like to go to a Celtics game but that cute Victoria's Secret bathing suit I've been hinting at for a month was less expensive and something I would have got a lot more use out of." If your dating someone would you rather see them in jeans and a t shirt or a skimpy swimsuit...hmmm tough choice? We drop hints ALL the time. Just put a reminder in your phone or ask your mom what to get us. It's so simple!



Do not put wet towels on the bed. Maybe this is just me. But my god I will love you forever if you never leave towels on my bed..even more..if you make it..okay..too much..understandable.

Shut us up by kissing us. It's a foolproof method when we go into ramble mode. You're guaranteed to make us go quiet if we actually can't talk.

Okay, so these MAY not make someone fall in love with you...but they certainly will help things go a whole hell of a lot smoother.

Enjoy your dose of love, happiness, and not so happy endings

Teen

This one's for the boys

Now I know this blog is a little bit girlie. I sincerely apologize for my gender. So I thought I would take a day to honor the hardships men face in their life. You how girls always claim they have it "sooooo bad!" with that whole creating life thing. I'm going to discuss a few things that men have to do that really freaken suck.

1.) After a certain age when you fall off your bike, drop your ice-cream on the ground (listen that is DEVASTATING okay?!), or get hit in the face with a soccer ball it's NOT cool to cry. In fact our crazy society considers you a pansy. A few quick tears is really all that's allowed if anything. You gotta suck it up and continue to play even though the aftershock on your face is reverberating throughout your entire body.


2.) You constantly have to deal with women bitching about how much harder it is to be a girl. 
"Oh praise god HALLELUJAH to us we menstruate while multi-tasking!" 
I think you should all respond, " Try having a boner in front of your entire world history class during your 30 minute long presentation."  Now that is embarrassing.


3.) Infant girls start talking before you. This blows. Now you know why we never shut the eff up. We've been doing it longer. We've got a whole 1-2 months on you in that department and we produce more words as well. We are basically bitching at you before you can even respond to us. Don't worry as we turn into toddlers that gap closes a bit and you still make more than us in hourly wages.


4.)  Gentleman prepare. I am going to talk about your man parts.
Circumcision: If you're snipped or not..I feel for ya.

If you're snipped then we know that right around the time you were born someone cut skin off of your most sensitive region. Granted you're to young to remember but seriously, that has to be extremely painful as a young new born baby all helpless and trusting of your new parents...then they snip a piece of your weenie off! Not to mention the use of an anesthetic was not common until recently! Not to mention the bleeding and chance of infection after circumcision. I wouldn't develop talking skills until later in my life either if someone did that to me.

If you're not snipped then you have to worry about cleaning all the time. You are more prone to infection, UTI's, and tearing! This really blows. Having dad or mom teach you how to clean your special area is never a cool conversation and this just brings an extra step into the mix. No one wants to remind their son to clean their foreskin. As if you haven't been through enough there is the chance that you could tear! OUCH. (I'll let you guys decide how that could possibly happen but I mean yaaaaa know)

Okay enough about that.


5.) When you have a lady friend in your life ( if you're ever so blessed) and you're a nice decent guy you may feel obligated or pressured to buy her things. Those additional extras you have to buy for them add up. We are not cheap ( in some sense of the word). Flowers, movie tickets, dinners,  birthday gifts, Christmas gift, late night fast food stops all come out of your pocket so we can feel "loved". 




6.) After you play sports, you all shower together. That really sucks. You never know who might pee on you when you're not looking (ladies, this actually happens) or if someone is going to steal your towel or play some sort of sick prank on you especially if you are younger.


7.) You get a lot of "tough love", "be a man", and "own ups". Listen if you need a hug I'm here. Yeah a cold heart is good if you need to learn a lesson. But lots of love and kindness is WAY better in everyday life. So just be nice to the guys. Treat them like you would want to be treated. Let em cry...and eat cake. If they're an asshole to you well at least you were the better person!

8.) You're hairy. You grow hair everywhere. Yes we have to shave our legs a lot but we don't grow a jungle of hair on our faces ( most of us at least). We can cover up our cuts with a band-aid and a cute pair of jeans. If you tear a hole in your face mid-shave you have to put a little bit of toilet paper on it and pray you don't forget to take it off before you head out in public again. I'd suggest a full ski mask to cover your face or a hockey mask.. but you either look like a bank robber or an axe murderer. Pick your poison.

9.) This one I am stealing from one of the comedians we saw with Dane Cook. Delicious fruity alcoholic beverages are OFF LIMITS to you. How dare we deny the strawberry, pomegranate, slushie, orange infused, cherry drizzle, multi-colored booze ridden fishbowl from you. C'mon boys were going out for apple-tinis. Why? Because they taste like blow pops and fun dip.




10.) This one people is the big one. THE BIG ONE.

Boys, you gotta pop the FUCKING question. You have to pick out a ring for the woman of your dreams, pay lots of money for it, and then get down on one knee and ask her to spend the rest of her life with you. That is not easy. I don't blame you for taking your time to make such a life changing decision. I mean imagine..if the ring you picked out was HIDEOUS or you know..if she says no?





Peace, Love, and Hugs

A manly dose of Teen :0)