This one's for the boys

Now I know this blog is a little bit girlie. I sincerely apologize for my gender. So I thought I would take a day to honor the hardships men face in their life. You how girls always claim they have it "sooooo bad!" with that whole creating life thing. I'm going to discuss a few things that men have to do that really freaken suck.

1.) After a certain age when you fall off your bike, drop your ice-cream on the ground (listen that is DEVASTATING okay?!), or get hit in the face with a soccer ball it's NOT cool to cry. In fact our crazy society considers you a pansy. A few quick tears is really all that's allowed if anything. You gotta suck it up and continue to play even though the aftershock on your face is reverberating throughout your entire body.


2.) You constantly have to deal with women bitching about how much harder it is to be a girl. 
"Oh praise god HALLELUJAH to us we menstruate while multi-tasking!" 
I think you should all respond, " Try having a boner in front of your entire world history class during your 30 minute long presentation."  Now that is embarrassing.


3.) Infant girls start talking before you. This blows. Now you know why we never shut the eff up. We've been doing it longer. We've got a whole 1-2 months on you in that department and we produce more words as well. We are basically bitching at you before you can even respond to us. Don't worry as we turn into toddlers that gap closes a bit and you still make more than us in hourly wages.


4.)  Gentleman prepare. I am going to talk about your man parts.
Circumcision: If you're snipped or not..I feel for ya.

If you're snipped then we know that right around the time you were born someone cut skin off of your most sensitive region. Granted you're to young to remember but seriously, that has to be extremely painful as a young new born baby all helpless and trusting of your new parents...then they snip a piece of your weenie off! Not to mention the use of an anesthetic was not common until recently! Not to mention the bleeding and chance of infection after circumcision. I wouldn't develop talking skills until later in my life either if someone did that to me.

If you're not snipped then you have to worry about cleaning all the time. You are more prone to infection, UTI's, and tearing! This really blows. Having dad or mom teach you how to clean your special area is never a cool conversation and this just brings an extra step into the mix. No one wants to remind their son to clean their foreskin. As if you haven't been through enough there is the chance that you could tear! OUCH. (I'll let you guys decide how that could possibly happen but I mean yaaaaa know)

Okay enough about that.


5.) When you have a lady friend in your life ( if you're ever so blessed) and you're a nice decent guy you may feel obligated or pressured to buy her things. Those additional extras you have to buy for them add up. We are not cheap ( in some sense of the word). Flowers, movie tickets, dinners,  birthday gifts, Christmas gift, late night fast food stops all come out of your pocket so we can feel "loved". 




6.) After you play sports, you all shower together. That really sucks. You never know who might pee on you when you're not looking (ladies, this actually happens) or if someone is going to steal your towel or play some sort of sick prank on you especially if you are younger.


7.) You get a lot of "tough love", "be a man", and "own ups". Listen if you need a hug I'm here. Yeah a cold heart is good if you need to learn a lesson. But lots of love and kindness is WAY better in everyday life. So just be nice to the guys. Treat them like you would want to be treated. Let em cry...and eat cake. If they're an asshole to you well at least you were the better person!

8.) You're hairy. You grow hair everywhere. Yes we have to shave our legs a lot but we don't grow a jungle of hair on our faces ( most of us at least). We can cover up our cuts with a band-aid and a cute pair of jeans. If you tear a hole in your face mid-shave you have to put a little bit of toilet paper on it and pray you don't forget to take it off before you head out in public again. I'd suggest a full ski mask to cover your face or a hockey mask.. but you either look like a bank robber or an axe murderer. Pick your poison.

9.) This one I am stealing from one of the comedians we saw with Dane Cook. Delicious fruity alcoholic beverages are OFF LIMITS to you. How dare we deny the strawberry, pomegranate, slushie, orange infused, cherry drizzle, multi-colored booze ridden fishbowl from you. C'mon boys were going out for apple-tinis. Why? Because they taste like blow pops and fun dip.




10.) This one people is the big one. THE BIG ONE.

Boys, you gotta pop the FUCKING question. You have to pick out a ring for the woman of your dreams, pay lots of money for it, and then get down on one knee and ask her to spend the rest of her life with you. That is not easy. I don't blame you for taking your time to make such a life changing decision. I mean imagine..if the ring you picked out was HIDEOUS or you know..if she says no?





Peace, Love, and Hugs

A manly dose of Teen :0)