The first fart

For those of you who think that girls do not fart or poop...or do anything besides emit pixie dust and perfume auroras

first of all don't read this, second of all..go fuck yourself. (Sorry, but C'MON!)

I'm going to tell you a story...

So I first started dating this guy after 2 years of sisterly solitude and it's great! I'm sneaking out at night, lying to my family about where I'm going, making new friends, frolicking around with this pretty cool fellow. I feel soo comfortable around him that I even get up and grab a glass of water without permission in his house! ROAR We're seriously makin' moves here. We do that whole "couples hang out" thing where there's a wing man and a wing woman, there's some awkward moments, meeting of parents ( not mine cause Italian families are crazy!) We snuggle on the couch and pretend to watch movies while we make out in his bedroom upstairs OMG, this blog just went PG-13. So one night..about two weeks into this whole mess, I'm exhausted from working a double and fading in and out of consciousness with my legs draped over him on the couch. Of course one of his buddies is over ( we can't hangout alone all the time, we have to pretend we actually care about other people first) and they're shooting the shit watching Trailer Park Boys or something. Anyways, I'm just so freaken' cozy its unbelievable...and then it happened. I farted. It wasn't very loud..but it woke me from my mild slumber. The guys went silent. "Did she just fart?" his friend asked.. "He nudges me, " Did you just fart?"... and I respond all nonchalant like I actually meant to emit gas from my ass, "uhh yeah, so what!" and go right back to sleep. Of course because I was so cool, calm, and collected they just accepted it and continued talking about beer or boobs.  I eventually admitted that it was an accident and my entire relationship fell apart and died. BOOM.

THE END.


A gassy dose of Teen