The Two Item Condom

Just a little embarrassing story for y'all this morning,

Back in the day when going to the mall was cool and you hung out in the food court and dream machine all day with a giant posse of of girls or maybe boys depending on your gender. You bought cheap earings that would make your ears swell and a plain t shirt that said "American Eagle" or "Weathervane" on it.  ( Hey originality is rare in middle school my friends.) 

Anyways after buying some really cheap shitty stuff or maybe a new cd by 50 cent cause he was actually cool then too.You would venture into the food court with your clan of hungry followers. My two favorite places to go were obviously Sarku ( the Japanese chicken is SO TASTY) and Panda Express ( the orange chicken is to DIE FOR!) Literally it's probably not even real chicken and it will inevitably clog my arteries and kill me. 

So anyways I'm in line with three of my lovely friends sporting a fury kongol immitation hat ( or some sort of strange head piece) About 11-13 years of age ( I'm not quite sure now that I am so old and wise) I have my tray and I'm excited. Anxiously awaiting for the 15 year old pimply Asian boy to take my order cause I'm stahhhhvin.  

Well he finally gets to me when I'm mid convo with my pal Molly O and 

he asks " What would you like today" 

Surprised and excited, I yell, "I'll have the two item condom..".. 

Shock, horror and embarassment dance all over my face as I grasp for the right words, "... I mean condom..."..."condom, condom, condom!" I exclaim. 

Suddenly a perfectly literate person has developed a stutter claiming for latex sexual protection in the Panda Express line.

Molly chimes in mid giggle and horrification of my exclamation of wanting two item condoms in front of a massive line of people , " combo please" and we move on.

 Thank god that wasn't humiliating or anything, my goodness.

A little dose of embarassment for you!

But in all seriousness kids WEAR CONDOMS (Elton John is an advocate therefore I am)

-Teen