It’s been a busy day at work, running around doing errands, chasing my dog down the street.. whatever, something has kept me from having anything to eat.
All of a sudden I am tearing a new one into my boyfriend, snarling at him for calling me pretty because THAT’S just plain rude, obviously. He looks at me las if I am insane which throws me further off the low blood sugar handle. Varying between rage and wanting to take a nap in the middle of the grocery store I find myself shoveling whatever bag of chips I could get my paws on in the middle of the aisle full of processed foods.
Chocolate covered pretzels throw those in the basket.
Organic tortilla chips HOLY FUCK..next mission QUESO.
Next dilemma: mild or spicy? Do I want acid reflux later? Am I too hungry to care? What are calories?
Okie now I’m walking by the roast chickens. Stop, waft the tasty smell into the air. Maybe grab a pre made sandwich or pasta salad to add to my LOW CALORIE dinner.
FINALLY, the glory aisle. PASTA. My hair is standing on end and goosebumps are forming in excitement. Shall I put red sauce on my pasta? Will my Italian ancestors be able to tell I bought Rao’s vodka sauce as soon as the cashier slides the PLU code? Maybe I need more cheese. Mac n cheese, Velveeta..OH WAIT! HOLD UP!
Annie’s makes cheddar cheese sauce not in powder form? 7.99 FOR BOX? Well organic cheese is definitely better for me…right?
Then I stare at the artesian bread feeling it up to find the crispiest crust with the softest inside. Do I need cheese? Back to the deli for brie and definitely that cheese with the blueberries in it. That’s money. I tenderly try to see if I can peel back the wrapping so that maybe I can sneak a nibble (JUST A NIBBLE OKAY!) of cheese before I make it to the register with my fat ass dragging the grocery basket like a caveman with his club because “I only need a few things” meanwhile my poor boyfriend keeps a steady 50 ft distance as I forage like a chipmunk through the aisles slugging orange juice and leaving a steady trail of crumbs for him to find me at the car with my 6 grocery bags and returned state of clarity.
Can anyone relate?
XO
I'm kind of a psycho
