Somewhere along the line I got this feeling that I have to be perfect. I attacked this in all areas. My first obsession was grades. From the second I hit middle school it was a competition. Who can get straight A's? Who can make high honors and how many quarters in a row can you achieve it? I worked endlessly. I had a severe need to do well. If I got anything less than a 95 I was upset. If I got a B...I held back tears. That's when I screwed myself over. People really began to believe that there wasn't anything I couldn't do. I had created an impossible stigma. My family always talked about me being "the smartest" and "doing more than they could" that I wasn't like them I had more motivation and intelligence. My family didn't realize it but they alienated me in the nicest way possible. I felt like I was in a world of my own, I didn't want to share my burden on anyone in fear. Fear of disappointing my family which had been through its fair share of disappointments.
Every day I put on the same damn smile no matter how shitty I felt and went back to the grind. College came around and I quickly became a lifely, crazy, member of the party. Was I lashing out, I don't think so but I most definitely was letting loose.Captain Morgan and I bonded a lot and I did plenty of stupid shit together with some equally crazy awesome friends. I didn't make dean's list my first semester at school but I did puke in a trashcan of an academic building. I got A's, B's, and C's. Oh my! I'll let you in on a secret, I wouldn't change any of it for a thing. I don't regret those decisions because they led to an amazing second semester full of parties, trips to Florida, an eye-opening spring break in East St. Louis, a closer relationship and deans list.
I guess I'm writing this because I know you're all liars. You all feel this enormous weight on your shoulders to be perfect in some way or another. Whether you can take the most shots, do the longest keigg stand, get an A on a test, be thin enough to fit into that pair of skinny jeans, have glowing golden skin, be able to take care of the people you love, provide for your family, earn money to pay for college, run the fastest mile, have a hott girlfriend, have a killer pair of kicks, be the nicest person, buy that coach bag, have the most money,managing a heavy course load ..or juggle every little thing. Eventually your balls are going to drop. And I can guarantee you the world won't end. Go out with your friends, curl up with a good book, snuggle with someone you care about, have some ben and jerrys, throw a party, or lay in bed and have a good cry (I know you've all done it okay).
Don't be afraid to take your really large figurative backpack off every once and a while. It feels pretty freaken' awesome. Oh yeah, it's okay if it isn't a northface either.
<3
Teen
