Imma BAD BAD....Blogger

Damn it feels good to be back!

I'm not going to apologize for not writing because I have apologized entirely too much in these past few years. But in the end by not writing I was only hurting my own creativity, the money I earn from adsense (keep clickin' folks), and failing to become a professional blogger so I can sit on my couch writing about things that pop into my head while wearing sweat pants like the lady who decided to follow Julia Child's cookbook until she became chubby and her husband wanted to leave her. ON THAT NOTE!

Here is a list of things I'm not sorry for:

1. Always losing my keys, cell phone, limbs, socks...
Who cares? I find them eventually? Oh my bad we are 5 minutes late for Uncle Desmond's 49th birthday. WHO THROWS A 49TH BIRTHDAY ANYWAYS?!


2. Being late to my own birthday
I planned the entire thing, food, candy, 3 tier cake...Okay now hire me to plan your birthday parties everyone cause it's sooo much more fun and less nerve racking.

3. For being a crybaby and having haywire feelings
Listen sometimes I miss my mom or my dog or that perfect summer day two Septembers ago. I'm gonna cry a little about it. I'm going to be a little upset when I breakup with my boyfriend of almost two years and subsequently his super nice family. I also blubbered like a crazy person in front of 200 of my brother and his wife's closest friends and family when he got married. I was just SO HAPPY for them!!!But don't even thing to compare to that girl in Mean Girls who shows up for the share session and talks about rainbows and sunshine. " SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!"

4. For cooking every day...and getting lost in the aromas, motions, and details of each dish I make
No I do not have a food problem. I have a passion. It's okay for people to sit on a couch and yell at men in tight pants on the television and waste hundreds of dollars on bets but cooking a meal from scratch that feeds the body and the mind is a problem. Go screw.

5. NOT watching the Jersey Shore
Why would I want to watch a bunch of people get in fights, hookup with each other, and embarrass their parents? People make Jersey Shore references and I stare at them blank and confused. Am I the only one out there? Has the Guido Apocalypse truly taken over?  My god someone please bring some sanity back to the nation.


6. Getting caught with a pint of Hagen Daas peanut butter chocolate ice cream, empty, next to my bed
Oh c'mon..we've all done it. You... yeah you,  actually feel a little better about that greasy monstrosity you ate drunkenly before you went to bed last night. You're welcome. I'm here to help you feel better about your lack of perfection. Who wants to be perfect anyway. Those people suck.

7. For sending too many emails
Gourmet Dinner is HUGE deal. I have a lot of random input and random thoughts. I need to get those thoughts and questions out there because what if we forget something!? For example night one of Savor the Elements..THE SCALLIONS WERE MISSING. I'm just trying to help. Obsessively. Cause that's just the way I am.

8. About being afraid of the Gym
Listen people, those machines are frightening. They cause harm and will make you bleed. I am currently looking into alternative exercise methods like yoga and boxing. Anyone who would like to make me run by having a car full of chocolate and pad thai is welcome to come over and help me with my problem.


9. For having a Harry Potter problem
So I cried when Dumbledore died. I hate Ginny Weasley because I wish they'd cast me as her so I could awkwardly kiss Harry Potter in the Weasley kitchen before he runs off to slay horcruxes. I have been to the Harry Potter exhibit at the museum of science in Boston and read all the books in about 3 days or less. Next month I am going to Harry Potter World and I am not one ounce of ashamed. Can't wait for butter beer and to take a photo in front of HOGWARTS.  Okay I need to calm down..I'm so excited!

10.  Not being girly or doing anything that is attractive ever (ie: being a good dancer, having pretty nails, wearing heels, "<3ing my girls", liking the color pink)
I wear chuck taylors more often than not, I can't paint my nails and I bite them when I'm stressed out (which is almost always). I prefer to hang with the guys because they don't squeal and bitch about useless shit or get in fights about going to the bathroom with each other. I hate crossing my legs, sweatpants are sexy to me, and my favorite television show is not Glee, One Tree Hill, or Gossip Girl.

Well that's enough for today. Some of us have to work on Sundays you know!


A long overdue Dose of Teen