You know you're from South Portland when..

Guess where my loyalty lies?

1.) When you say "I'm going to the store", it means ( Hannaford or Shaws)..also you're probably deathly loyal to one or the other.

2.) You refer to any area past Grandview as "Maiettaville"

3.) Your high school has aspestice and mold, not to mention the wall is breaking away from the floor and you can drop small objects like bits of paper and pencils down into the classroom below. (It only took 27 gazillion years for a renovation)

4.) It's a serious decision to pick where you're going to get ice cream in the summer (unless the ice cream truck drives by) Dairy Queen, Red's, or Beals..
editors note:
DQ has the best hot fudge.

There she is..in her PRIME!

Red's has amazing french fries, "nor'easters", and fat free ice cram.
Beals has great lobster rolls (or so some lady raved to me once), hard-serve, and that cute sparkly tip can with the names of the colleges the current SP student seniors who work there will be going to.
Let's be honest though: Were going wherever we know one of our friends are working so we can get a free sugar fix.

5.) Wendy's/Tim Horton's classified as a hangout when we had nothing better to do and no where to go.

6.) Deer Road is not just a street...but an activity...and if you're a super pansy..it's a scary one!

7.) Willard Beach is not a place you go during the day (there's a sewage pipe running into the water for Christ's sake) but a place people go at night to drink or smoke..maybe even both!
and inevitably get caught by the cops (oh yeah they figured you guys out a long time ago)

8.) EVERYONE is obsessed with Higgins Beach

No thanks, I have no soul..a steak and cheese would suit me better.

Even though they make you promise your soul to the devil and give your entire life's savings to park there AND there isn't a decent snack place unless you walk 12 miles, through sand and gravel..and gamble what's left of your life (you have no soul remember) trying to cross the busy street to a farm stand that sells vegetables and juice.

9.) Mr. Brogan and Mr. Chapin are not just men..but legends.

10.) You can name about 10 hoodrats off the top of your head.

11.) You still segregate your friendships based on where each other went to middle school.

"Oh that's right..you went to Mahoney..What's it like going to prison every day?" Do you miss those creepy vines strangling your school? I hope a duck bit you out at Millcreek park on a half day.."

There she blows!

"Well at least our school doesn't have mold and make our principal leave due to illness. Have fun at Dunkin Donuts or Willows after your school dances. We'll be hanging out in the shopping center trying to decide on Wendy's, McDonalds, Angelones...or stealing a 5th of vodka from Shaws!"

12.) You judge every body's prom dress...every year...as if it were the Oscars.. (wait what that's just me?!)

Prom '07  ( infants)

Prom '08 ( I became more bodacious sadly..and Molly..well STEPPED up her game from '07)

View this video: (Chris Biskup serenading my camera about taking his clothes off.. typical ..ps nothing I can do about the video being in the wrong direction)

13.) "Were watching a movie" being said to either of your parents means "Hey mom and dad ________'s (insert friend's name here) parents aren't home and we're having a huge ripper at their house and some one's going to get in a fight and someone else is going to break something, and that girl will be all over all the guys, and then he's gonna toss his cookies all over the antique couch Nana gave _____'s mom on her death bed"

14.) You still secretly wish that senior you had a crush on when you were a freshman would suddenly notice you for the amazing person you are...and make out with you at the bars.

15.)HOP is not what bunnies do. It is a place where you eat pizza or yummy cheeseburger subs!

16.) Your parents have waited  in line for hours with magazines and lawn chairs to sign you up for rec camp.

17.) You miss when Thatchers was inside the Maine Mall. Weathervane was an awesome store when you were 12 and bought your first thong there. Also you weren't cool in elementary school unless you shopped at Limited Too (now called Justice..WTF is that shit.)

18.)  A typical weekend as a kid consisted of sleeping over one of your friends house's
        Staying up too late talking on AIM to your gf/bf or "crush", playing Nintendo 64, eating bagels.
        Going to the mall or the movies the next day meeting up with those people you were instant
        messaging all night.


19.) Happy Wheels was a great place, curse "AUTOsucksLAND". Couple skates, roller blades, and the chicken dance..my god I want to be 10 again.

20.) You claim there is "nothing to do" in SoPo yet every time you leave you miss EVERYTHING about it. From your Mom's chop suey, Dad's cursing at the television, you're "AMAZING" friends, that pot-hole that ruins your front end alignment for some reason you can't seem to remember its there, your bed, the tree in your front yard, drinking in your buddies basement, lack of responsibility, your friends parents, the soap dispenser in your bathroom, the dent in the hall, your cat that died 10 years ago...(the list goes on)

Additional Notes:

*You refer to the "Upper Parking Lot as the UPP which makes abosolutely no sense"
* Sledding @ the UPP at night after a huge snowstorm is something you still enjoy..at the age of 25.
*You went to school somewhere far away... and then transferred to UMAINE Orono
*Officer Friendly didn't seem so friendly when he gave you that summonses.

So quitchabellyachin'

You fucking love your city.

A "So Po Hoe" Dose of Teen