How to sell your soul...

check out this new campaign by KFC

Double Down

Will just double down already snd sell obesity and sex for $500 dolla bills y'all?

or will you stand up to selling unhealthy foods in which place sexually suggestive adds on your lady parts? A bit of a conundrum for a poor college student with many financial needs to meet don't you think?

Thought of Today

 I want my mommy.


at least I'm grown up enough to admit it.

How to not impress the ladies

Dear Horny Group of Average Looking Mid-Twenties Men who have clearly haven't watched Wedding Crashers to actually get the girls,

     Oh yes whistle and hoot at me. What a great idea. Call me your "grey goose girl" that is really going to make me swoon. While you're swaying around drunkenly trying to find the bathroom I am trying to facilitate a wedding in a three hour span with mother's of both the bride and groom up my ass and a grouchy caterer. Making suggestive remarks while trying to find my face between the triple vision and your meandering eyeballs really makes me want to go home with you. Call me crazy but I kinda like it when a guy can pronounce all his words clearly and look me in the eye, but maybe I'm just old fashioned like that. Your version of "sexy" to Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leopard falls somewhere in the category of Simon Cowells chest hair and my dad's toenails. Loosen that tie up a little more, untie your shirt, and take another shot, you look so handsome when you're disheveled, stained, and red in the face. In between your hiccups and slurs maybe I can hold your tie up for you when your puking into a side street later tonight. That will put the whipped cream and cherry on top of my shit fest of a week! Oh please please please ask me if I will go out with you later. How did you know I wanted to spend my evening with you? Was it the fact that the groom told me I could punch you in the face? Was it the excitement written all over my face as I cleaned up you and your buddies spilled drinks and dirty napkins? Was it when I cut you off of the bar!? Oh c'mon which of my friendly advances led you to believe I had even the most remote interest in you? Don't make me do it, oh you left me no choice. I must make you feel old and creepy now by letting you know I am not of age to drink. What! You feel bad for me! That's such a nice thing to say. You the belligerent mess with the sweaty face using that pole to keep yourself upright. Thank you for telling me you feel bad for me. I totally wish I was in your position right now about to keel over and toss my cookies all over my shoes, wipe the snot and mess off my face, and hop on over to the bars where I will try to bump and grind with chicks in hopes that they will let me get in their pants. Oh keep yelling, " I know girls like you" fourth times the charm buddy. Still not changing my mind. Go play with yourself and get the hell out of my vision line.

Peace, Love, and Sassyness

Always here to give you my daily dose,

Teen

Just when you think...

Just when you think you can put something behind you
...they give you a cold.

Sometimes letting go of something is a lot more difficult than you think it is. In my case I know it's difficult. I prepare mentally, I busy myself physically, my days are full, I know how to let go. A friend equally as much of a disaster as me or potentially a little more told me that "I am her own personal buddha". I want a personal buddha. A little chubby Asian prophet to tell me all the right things to say or do. Give me some guidance and make me a little less crazy.  Instead I turn to Veronica Mars season three. Pretty epic. That cute little cuddly friend of mine explained why it was so difficult to simply just leave something be. "Having someone" Is the response. Having someone around. That's the difficult part. Well that's not the difficult part for me. I'm never around. Yes it's great to have someone around but those little perks have been long gone for me. The shitty part for me is when your best friend checks out on you. Not once but twice. When you're ready to make things work. When you've given them 2 weeks of space and freedom and they decide they want you back. Mixed signals eh? Well at least I have this gross snotty, cold infestation to keep me warm at night.

Thoughts of the Day

1.) Good thing I am always late for work especially when I arrive and no one is there.

2.) The song Two Girls by Paranoid Social Club is really romantic

3.) Should I leave class early in the middle of a heart wrenching story about malnourished children eating trash scraps?

4.) Will I ever have a fun, stress free, non-insane relaxing life? Where the hell is the fun in that?

5.) What will I serve at my gourmet sandwich stand? Where will it be?...I want a sandwich

6.) Are any of my answers on this test correct?

7.) Does God hate me? Does God exist? Should I capitalize god? Am I going to burn in hell? I bet I'd make friends in hell.

8.) What is crossing the line?

9.) Remember that time my pants fell down in 3rd grade in front of the 5th graders? I don't think it helped I was dressed up as a clown

10.) If I dropped out of school today where would I go first...

11.) Wow is a stupid word. It says nothing. WOW are you surprised, baffled, stunned, speechless, angry wow, happy amazed wow? I hate you wow.

12.) When am I going to clean the bathroom?

13.) I hate losing control of anything. I'm an obsessive control freak. At least I don't steal.

14.) Popeye was not cute. But we both love spinach.

15.) My sandwich tastes like refrigerator.

16.) Wouldn't it be great if at age 11 an owl brought me a letter and invited me to Hogwarts? Sure would have saved me a lot of trouble in life.

17.) I think I am going to plan a trip to Canada. Never mind Philadelphia. Nope I guess I'll just go to Arkansas or something.

18.) Why are white tattoos so ugly?

19.) Pigeons are cute

20.) I am a crazy person. I am a really crazy person. I am longer going to be a crazy person. Oh there I go again being crazy.

21.) At least I didn't give up.