The Roommates.

So mi boyfriendo has recently re-located from Brighton to Allston.. another suburb of Boston a little bit closer to the city. Before he had lived with an older mixed group he had found on some random website. His favorite roommate was a teacher, smart, collected, sarcastic, and looked like a teddy bear, lumberjack, hamlet. I am now going to introduce you to his seven YES I said seven male roommates. Thankfully there's 3 bathrooms, 2 showers. I presume they say "No Homo" a lot too. Anyways, it's like Animal House, Basketball, Old School, and hoarders in their puked stained carpet, moldy dishes "man cave". Or a less guido version of Jersey Shore.

Wyso: First look at Wyso I wanted him to have a Southern drawl. Then he spoke, it was a no go. How unfortunate I already had him living up to unreasonable expectations. Wyso is the second oldest of the bunch rocks button-ups, he's a good amount of tall, dirty blonde hair, and oddly resembles stalker guy "derek" from OTH (Note to all the Peyton's stalker would have been cute had he not tried to kill several of my favorite cast members), straight leg jeans...basically he looks like a mix of country and rock. At a party they had we actually witnessed a random girl just prance on in his room while he was sleeping. Apparently he jedi mind tricks them in his sleep ( actually I just made that up but I know you think it would be cool if he did) Anyways, he's a baseball player, single, and naturally ready to rock any semi attractive to smokin' hot girls world if they'd let him have the chance.

Observe "Derek" from OTH. I am totally right and you know it. Wyso stop giving us "sexy eyes"

Garber: Oh Garber, I still haven't forgiven you for stealing my orange juice (all you had to do was ask! I share well now and no longer bite people I SWEAR). Thinking you're so clever and I wouldn't notice your 40oz had magically turned light orange?! You were a little bit mistaken, I'm a wee bit smarter than those party chicks you bamsmushoozle every weekend but obviously not that smart cause you did manage to steal my orange juice.

Anyways, Where do you start with Garber? He smokes tobacco out of an old man' pipe like its his job, eats the "triple play" from McDonalds and still maintains a generally manly non-potbelly physique, rocks cut off t-shirts at parties (and still gets laid), has the face of a baby, loves smokin' that illegal substance, and still manages to be one of the best players on the baseball team. He's a human anomaly and it' not fair but he sure doesn't give a fuck ( and I don't blame him.) Both nights he had a lady over, I hear he's quite the Casanova, but he's not much of a talker in his sexual promiscuity.

Before he slept with your friend, so cute though!

Lopes: Within the first 15 minutes of meeting Geoff I had already seen his ass. There's not much that this kid hasn't done, won't do, or will eventually do. He's the nuttiest and the loudest of the bunch. He eagerly wolfed down my homemade potato salad and BBQ chicken (still cold) obviously real men do not need to heat up their food and proceeded to chat and yammer away which is always fine for me because I never shut up either. Lopes is the kind of guy who is going to help your Grandma put away the groceries but then hookup with your best friend all in the same day. He doesn't follow rules or boundaries in fact he probably just crosses them for the adrenaline. His goal at a party is to get in your pants, don't be fooled but he may be sweet about it and he's got a nice smile! He loves to dance and drink Skippy and his ears kind of stick out but not in a bad way, he def works it. If you wanna have fun I'd recommend you sleep with Geoff just don't talk too loudly in the morning or he may kick you out and not tell you he vampired the shit out of your neck the night before.

Rockman: Poor Rockman, he's the punchline of quite a few of the roomies jokes but he handles it well. My fondest memory of him is when he got a cluster of mosquito bites on his forearm and took out an icepack to prevent itching. It was adorable and wimpy at the same time, I mean you would think he got stung by an entire hornets nest or something. Don't worry I offered him some benedryl to help with the pain. He also does this weird thing with his hands where he brings them awkwardly up close to his chest like a raptor or the guy who offers his strong hand in the Scary Movie trilogy. He claims its comfortable. Maybe he's prepping to tear our heads off like raptors do for making fun of him so much. Anyways I find Rockman to be the best comic relief in a house of manwhores. He's a great palate cleanser ( if this were a formal dinner) for sure. ( I am not saying I want to eat Rockman by any means). Helllloooo Claricee...

Chris: Well, Chris was MIA this weekend and actually shares a room with my boyfriend ( he has a twin bed and an old school football pillowcase from the 90's) He also wears v-neck t-shirts, loves to play x box, and is on the smush hunt rebound. Other than that I don't know much about him and cannot appropriately create a mini blog on him. It doesn't help that he previously attended UNH and hated it. But he does share a room with my boyfriend so I gotta give him credit where credit is due.

Swenson: "The Don", no clue why they call him that but he tends to look slightly confused at all times though this may be accredited to the booze that he had been drinking but I think he just generally looks like he has no clue what's going on. He's a little more reserved than the rest of the roommates but that doesn't mean he can't hold his own. I gave him some shit about smoking cigarettes ( I can't help it, no one wants to make out with an ashtray). In essence I was just trying to help his game which obviously I didn't need to because someone ended up sleeping in his bed that night. The Don scores. Also in the morning he was sporting an extremely sexy outfit of stained gray sweat pants and a horrible case of bedhead, then he stole my shower. Thanks Mike.

Random roommate nobody likes: Nobody likes him and I don't even remember his name..clearly he doesn't leave a lasting impression.

I hope you enjoy the roommates as much as I did. Granted their bathrooms are dirty and their fridge contains nothing but takeout boxes, they aren't a bad group of dudes to hangout with. They can throw quite the ripper and would make for excellent television no doubt. Lets just hope they still like me after my overly cynical character bios. ( Hey they gave me permission to do it)

Peace & Hoes,
Take me in doses
Teen<3