Why I hate Women {Part 2}

 Why women drive me crazy....and  why sometimes I even piss myself off.

6. You think your happiness relies on someone else: Girls this is really aggravating. Let me repeat that each and every day you choose to let someone else affect your normally kind demeanor or to remove that smile from your face you yourself are making that conscious decision. Now it's okay to be sad. If my tears weren't made of stone then I would cry every once and a while too. It is okay to cry but don't be miserable. I may hate the world and men but I still smile and enjoy life...A LOT...with wine...and red lipstick. If the bitter bitch can do it YOU can. So don't let poopy people make you less of ...ya know...you.

7. We are messier than men: Dear god we shed like crazy. Why is our makeup always spattered all over the sink? Those black lines on the mirror, yup that's where I missed my eyeball and mascaraed the mirror...sorry bout that. Our shit is ALWAYS everywhere. We have more shoes, accessories, tank tops, sweats, pashminas, socks, undies, perfumes, tampons, coupons, pieces of chocolate scattered throughout our bedrooms than a department store. I wish I was a guy. It would be so much easier to function not having nine different types of lip balm to organize and searching around my house for my favorite sweatshirt that I stole from my best friend 3 years ago.

8. Over-thinking: Example- A guy tells you he likes your watch. "Wait, does that secretly mean he likes me?...Is 'I like your watch' some secret code for, "I find you irresistible and amazingly awesome because your choice in accessories is beyond skillful...Does he mean he likes my watch but he hates me? And if he hates me he must find me hideously ugly. Therefore because he likes my watch, I am ugly...WHAT A PENIS HEAD"

What does 'see you later' mean...I mean...how later is later!?

Okay, so I may have gotten a bit carried away. When girls say things there is a deeper meaning. Ladies, when gentleman say things...they mean EXACTLY what they say. So when they tell you that dress looks awful they mean it. But it doesn't mean you're awful and you have to cry, it just means you have bad taste...no just kidding...it just means you look bad in that dress. Hell, I can't wear yellow. No need to storm off and get mad at him. If he calls you gorgeous then he fucking means it. Don't look for the deeper meaning. There isn't one...men don't think. Period.

9. Stage 5 Clingers: Oh wow, you know that girl who you had a once night stand with who just won't leave you alone? She seems really cool at first but then about two days later she's telling you she can't wait to get serious and gives you a key to her apartment? You made the mistake of telling her where you live so now she's showing up all the time bringing you cookies..and yeah the cookies are delicious but she won't stop looking through your phone or searching your sheets for hair follicles of other women. She sends obsessive smileys via text and always wants to know where you are. When you don't talk to her for three hours she literally calls you and leaves you the most frightening voice-mail you've ever heard. When did her voice turn into that scary man from Star Wars? How does she know when all of your classes end and mysteriously show up at EVERY party you go to!? That'll teach ya to sleep around gentleman. Either you're going to get a an STD or a stage 5 clinger. At least an STD can't talk.

10. Taking away sex as punishment: Now ladies, you think we could come up with something that doesn't impede on our wants and needs as well. But apparently the only way to get through a man's thick skull is to deny him your vagina. That is how they REALLY know you are angry with them or the "I'm fine/Whatever" combo...but honestly the only way to get flowers, an apology, and a really nice dinner is to not let them touch you. So basically, I dislike men for leaving us with this only option.

Oh you think this smile means I'm going to sleep with you later, dumbass.

11. We never say what we want: Well we say it put in the most passive aggressive, least likely way that makes us feel as though we didn't really say it. And in turn no one has any clue what we are talking about. "Would you like a sandwich?"..."Well I mean maybe, if you really don't mind, I might want to....ehhh no...welll noooo okay....that sounds good....in about 12 minutes." I'm sorry WHAT!
"How do you feel about me"..."Ehhh, well I mean I kind of sort of think your alright but not that great and only if you may or may not feel that kind of way too." Why is it so HARD to say "yes, I am hungry I would like a sandwich please" or "You know what, I think you're pretty great lets get intimate so I can get mad at you a week later and no longer sleep with you."

Women are crazy. Someone please help us.


No love here.

Teen