The Worst, Part 2

Those random little things that just plain SUCK:

I think this is the world oldest car.

When you are too tired to get gas at night and promise yourself you will wake up early just to get gas. Even though you know that NEVER happens. Then you end up being late or hoping and praying the entire ride that you will be blessed with a Jesus like miracle where the gas lasts the entire drive JUST like that bread, fish, wine story in the bible. Is that in the bible? I think there was wine involved? I mean I HOPE there was...a neverending bottle of wine...boy does that sound like heaven.


Being stuck behind the worlds slowest driver. 
"C'mon Nana, you can do it, just put your geriactric enhanced shoe to the pedal!"

When you're kissing someone and your teeth keep hitting theirs.
            *Even worse...if they have cigar breath. I almost never kissed anyone ever again after that smothering experience.


Vomiting. That will never be pleasant.
             *Vomiting in a moving vehicle also has proved to be an amplified displeasure.


When the milk expires and you've only had one glass...like who do I think I am Daddy Warbucks? That shit is expensive...and I'm allergic to it.

SIDENOTE: As you can see I am not very smart. I am a ((Catholic))<*in the lightest, most nonreligious, catch on fire while entering a church sort of way> who doesn't remember a simple story from the bible, I get stuck behind shitty drivers, puke in the car, and make out with smelly people while clanking teeth profusely.

Yeah, I definitely can't pull that off.

Making an ass out of yourself in front of the hot waiter/waitress. I have an adorable friend who does this on a daily basis. Because he's so stinkin' cute he gets away with it. I on the other hand with the clam chowder dripping off my face fishing for the bread crumbs that just fell into my non-existent cleavage cannot. Why do they *ALWAYS* pick that moment in my eating experience to ask me how my meal is?!

When the remote is on the other side of the room and you just sat on the couch with your blanket and pillow. I would literally do anything to not get up. I sit on the couch debating what the hell I should do having yet again found myself in this position...lost and remote-less I imagine my handsome live-in boyfriend casually stepping out of the shower at the opportune moment to hand his lazy, frantic, and distraught girlfriend the remote...funny how THAT never happens eh?

Watching scary movies alone, and then being convinced that there is an axe murderer hiding in your bathroom waiting to chop you into little tiny pieces so you carry a wooden sword around your apartment. Pshhh, I've never done that.


Day old anything...besides marinara sauce...that stuff just gets better. Day old sex hair...c'mon ladies take a freakin' shower. Cookie are notorious for this. They never taste quite the same after

When one night stands and random hookups aren't as fun as they used to be.  As an OBEDIENT AND FAITHFULL  follower of my lord and savior Jesus Christ I know only from what others have told me (Right, Tim Tebow!?) Maybe it's the whole growing up thing. Maybe it's that everyone keeps getting engaged or passing away on us. My friend made a great point about this the other night. "Been there, done that" is what best sums it up. It's sort of fun, you're satisfied but never really full. You know what I mean? Anyway, the love I have found with WINE truly keeps me in a constant state of blissful happiness now and I couldn't be more happy...or ....intoxicated.

Okay...I'm just going to pick the prettiest label!

When you buy a six pack of an artisianal beer and it tastes like feet mixed with morning breath and eyeball boogers. Seriously, the packaging LOOKED so awesome. Well, hats off to you...your marketing materials worked. You fooled me into paying for rancid dinosaur piss.



Feel free to leave some of your "worsts"...But I seriously doubt they will be as clever and well thought as mine.


Lots of non-existent Love,

Teen