Why I hate women {Sober Blogging Part 1 }

Well since I let my anger and aggression loose on the MEN a few weeks ago...

**Thank sweet baby Jesus that is all gone and I no longer want to throw you all into the ocean like Rose does to Jack in Titanic...what a HEARTLESS bitch she was...especially the part where she threw the super expensive blue diamond in the ocean...ARE YOU INSANE LADY!?

I'll never let go, my ass Rose!

I thought I would appease one of my angry commenters (He/She seemed to be quite observant that I am incredibly bitter..did we NOT already establish that from EACH and every one of my blogs?) But anywho, I wanted to be FAIR...despite the fact that LIFE truly isn't and no one can seem to get a grip on that teeny tiny little fact.

So here it is...why my own gender drives me bat shit crazy...and guess what I will even admit that I am guilty of a lot of this shit too...cause you see unlike most men as a women I don't mind admitting when I am wrong.




1. We never SHUT the eff UP- No seriously. This blog can totally attest to that. I ramble on and on about my own biased opinions. Really, what do we always have to talk about? Most of the time it's nothing. Some of my conversations with my girlfriends consist of " SERIOUSLY? WHAT IS HIS DEAL?".."That is SO retarded..."..."More wine?".."Wait, did that JUST happen." We don't really make much sense. Throw in a few "It's whatevers".."Totes".. "Defs" and you've summed up about 5 of my last conversations with women. We are SO intellectual sometimes.

2. We get mad about stupid shit- I hate it when men leave the toilet seat up. That royally ticks me off and yes I know it is so small and so stupid! When men do not understand the laws of text messaging yup, that's annoying too. When you eat my super long curly fry I was saving for my last bite...that happened 9 years ago and if you bring it up today I will turn red with fury. When you check out another girl even though were the one you take home every night (to be honest, I don't care about this..but A LOT of girls do), when you think 'k' is an appropriate response to our well thought messages, when you forget to pick something up at the store we could have just as easily picked up that day, when you don't understand the underlying meaning to every word, look, and emotion we express. GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!

3.We blame all men for one man's poor decisions- That saying, "Hell hath no fury like a women scorned" is so true. One man's dumb decision to cheat on us, tell us they think we have an eating problem (no lie this actually happened to me), completely stop talking to us after sex, inviting us out for drinks with your ex-girlfriend, throw us off a porch, push us in the street on our birthday, scream unkind names at us, sleep with our best friend, lie about where you are...need I go on?

Anyway, it sucks for your 5% of 'nice' guys out there. Speaking of...where the FUCK are you? You really do not reap the benefit of the doubt in any of these situations. I kind of feel bad...oh wait, I don't have feelings. No I don't.

epic.

4. So many of you can't cook- How do you expect to find a gentleman caller if you can't make Pot Roast!? Why would any man want to marry you if you can't feed him! He is the hunter and you are the gatherer. So gather your cookbooks and your ingredients and get in the kitchen. Learn how to properly cook chicken three different ways, experiment with different vegetables, throw some alcohol into your cooking (it makes everything better)! Just get to work ladies. This isn't just about men either (though they probably think it is) being able to make something from scratch is a skill. Being able to feed yourself without depending on processed junk should be a necessary requirement for everyone.

5. You squeeze yourselves into super small itty bitty outfits and freeze your ass off in hopes you will find someone to love you- Freshman year of college I was completely guilty of this. I remember freezing my ass off on Halloween in a teeny tiny elf costume while running up Main Street holding some random boys hand who was kind enough to give me his sweatshirt for the super chilly dash back to the dorm. And by kind enough I mean he wanted to get in my non-existant pants that evening. Anyway, showing all that skin and dying of frostbite doesn't make someone want to be with you mentally and emotionally. Just physically. So keep that in mind the next chilly winter evening when you are putting on your $5.00 forever 21 mini skirt and see-through lace belly shirt.

See everyone, even I am an idiot.

The best part is I am not done. There are 6 more lovely reasons as to why I dislike women. But I have a drinking date with my sister so that trumps finishing this blog.

Smell ya latah bitches.