Text of the Day

Heterosexual male, 21, lover of fights, hockey, beer, and boobs.

"I want a tanning package to glow"

Text of the Night/Wee Morning

207: You know. White russians taste nothing like ice cream when you're not already drunk.
6:08am

Life Lesson: Tom Biskup Style

 

Meet Tom! At one point in time he had a little teensy weensy problem with taking things that were not his ( case in point we stole this from a local restaurant in our home town). But he has since reformed his ways and become an excellent community citizen! 

However, I feel this sign really describes an excellent mantra for life:

Plan for the future but don't take it entirely two seriously..you never know when you're going to need that second case of beer. Celebration or sorrows, it will be your friend.

A Small Dose of Teen

Pangea (wtf is that!). "Lotion", and How do you know he's french?

The holidays tend to make everyone a little crazy. Even dare I say...a little ahem...blonde.

Oh mom, don't you just see the french in his face?

Case in point 3 examples from two relatives and my newly adopted cousin who loves/appreciates all things awesome (wine, blogs, cheese, osso bucco, teaching, and unecessary coffee breaks..Did I say wine?)

Scenario #1
 Momma Wendel and I doing a little grocery shopping at Publix

Me: "Mom! Look at the pup pup on the magazine cover! He's a french bulldog."
Wendel: "How do you know he's french?"

............
Me: "Are you serious....?"

Scenario #2
I have been having a hard time with the every one's lack of World History knowledge about this particular world/continent FACTOID.

Me: "So in one of my classes I came up with this great world encompassing name for a resort as an assignment in class...blahhhh blahhh blahh and nooooo one even knew what it was...I was sooo disappointed and shocked at everyone's lack of knowledge...How do people not know! (More ranting and raving...about people who have no clue about things sometims..." blahhh blahh blahhhhh

Newly adopted cousin: (Clueless look on face)
Cousin who doesn't read labels on bath product bottles: "Teenie, I don't think she knows either..."
Me: Are you kidding me expression " WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW WHAT PANGAEA IS!!!"

Pangaea for those of you who are awestruck and helpless as well is the name of all of the continents when they were together (well in theory scientists believe that before the movement of the tectonic plates all of the continents today were fit in together like a little warm, snuggly puzzle.)

Sidenote* Spell check told me I was spelling Pangaea wrong. I was spelling it "Pangea". I'm an idiot too.

Scenario #3
For Christmas I purchased  aromatherapy shampoo, conditioner, and body lotion for my cousin.
She was pretty excited and immediately put some on her legs!
Later that evening I caught her "re-administering" one of the products..only the product she was putting on her legs was not body lotion.

-

Actual gifts picture here!

It was conditioner.


Oh sweet baby Jesus, please help us all.


A hefty dose of serious brain farts
From the family members of Teen :0)

Starwars, Darth Lil, and Christmas wishes.

 Auntie or as I now call her...Darth Lil.

Meet Ant Lil. Sargent Lil. Darth Auntie/Lil...my godmother. 

As you can see last Christmas we had a little too much fun with little Dylan's excessive amounts of Christmas gifts. Darth Lil was taken over by the dark side and the force was clearly not with me. (I only hope your holidays can include light saber battles with your relatives as well!)

Also, exercise is important..especially with light sabers.

Merry Christmas Eve!

May a dose of the force be with you<3

Text of the Night

207: We may or may not have "found" some Christmas lights on the way bak from the old prot.

4:50am (I chose to leave the mistakes to increase the hilarity of the situation.)

Teenie's Favorite 90's songs

The fact that I mortified my mother in my last post means that I have to admit to a few embarrassing things about myself in this blog. You know to be fair and all..(even though I do feel like I consistently embarrass /admit enough things about myself on this blog.)


So I thought I would paint a verbal image for you all of me in the 90's..

Imagine a seven year old toothless girl (I had a bad habit of ripping my teeth out for money from the tooth fairy)
dancing like a lunatic in her  rainbow wall papered bedroom with her big black magnavox boom box (borrowed from dad) wearing an over sized mens large sweatshirt, slip on velvet shoes, and either a new kids on the block nightie (stolen from my brother) or a one piece bathing suit (depending on the time of year)
singing at the top of her lungs to her American girl doll Samantha, babysitters club doll Christie, a few select stuffed animals, and a baby cabbage patch doll with a red mow hawk named Cathy.

The musical selection from 7-10 years old sounded a lil' somethin' like this:

Barbie Girl- Aqua
MmBop- Hanson
It's all coming back to me now- Celine Dion (7 minutes and 36 seconds of pure sadness..and me and my best friend Molly singing at the top of our lungs) 
Unbreak my Heart-Toni Braxton

The ENTIRE Madonna You Can Dance Album special highlights include "Everybody" and "Into the Groove"

Lyric Snipet from Madonna: 

Live out your fantasy here with me
Just let the music set you free
Touch my body, and move in time
Now I know you're mine

Someone should have explained to me that Madonna was a bit of a whore in the the 80's and early 90's..maybe I wouldn't have worshipped her music so much at age 7.


The Usual Tween Sensations:

Spice Girls  (My cousins, myself, and some neighbors once put on a performance out of a neighbor's garage of a poorly choreographed dance to one of their songs..the surprise..I was Posh spice.

Backstreet Boys (Nick Carter..I used to dream about our wedding day)
N'Sync  (Justin Timberlake's frosted hair will NEVER be forgotten)
98 Degrees (The Hardest Thing..on repeat OVER&OVER.)
Christina Aguilera (Genie In a Bottle/Come On Over/What a Girl Wants)
Britney Spears- (Baby One More Time/You Drive Me Crazy/Sometimes I Run)

Some Random Tracks:
What If God Was One of Us-Joan Osborne
Truly Madly Deeply- Savage Garden

You know that song that proclaims they want to bathe with you in the sea..anyone whoever went to the skating rink in elementary school remembers couple skating to this song.

That one hit wonder by Mambo #5
All Star- Smash Mouth
The Boy is Mine- Brandy/Monica
Candy- Mandy Moore
No Scrubs/Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls- TLC



Probably my favorite BSB music video of all time. Feel free to make fun of me.

A Tween Dose of Teen <3

Wendy takes a tumble...

Tonight my mother helped to explain why I am a walking disaster.

Upon our departure from a restaurant this evening she so graciously "missed" (forgot it existed) the curb and she plummeted diagonally off of it only to break her fall with the SUV.

Immediately I ( a concerned and caring daughter) errupted into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
 Sidenote* It may or may not be important for you to know that as this happened she screamed my name... as if I had pushed her..or her misfortunate misjudgement of pavement was somehow my fault.

Being the multi-tasker that I am through my giggle fest I was able to confirm she was okay and assist her (bruised ego/injured ankle) into the car.

All of this happened very quickly...and when I finally crawled into the car...I continued to laugh. Then I continued to laugh while my mother kept looking back at me saying, "It is not funny."

I begged to differ... BUT then when I told her how I helped her into the car and made sure she was okay all while reveling in my own chuckles she refused to believe I had done such things. It must have been the shock from her injury that made her forget about my heroic execution of getting her into the car!

So I continued to laugh..we continued to argue..

About 20 minutes later...
"Are you going to write about this in your blog?"
"yup."

 Happy Birthday Mom!

Am I an awful daughter for laughing at her mother on her birthday?

A relative dose of Teen

Morning Thoughts...Southern Style

For the past 2 years I have had the luxury of being able to take 2-3 weeks off every year for Christmas and been able to fly away from the snow (which actually makes me sad) and spend my holidays with my relatives from my mom's side of the family and most importantly my mom :0)! 

I googled "New England Girl" this definitely looks like me.

However as a New England girl through and through, I tend to find the actions, words, lives, any goings ons whatsoever of people down here unique, strange, and LOVE to trash talk provide constructive criticism...

1.) My number one thought every single freakin' time I come down here is "People are so damn slow". I don't know if it's the weather, the margaritas, or all the gosh darn old people, but cheese and rice can "y'all" pick up the pace. Whether I'm buying groceries, walking down the street, or talking to someone there is never a sense of urgency. It took a man 45 minutes to buy a pair of earring's yesterday. SERIOUSLY? That would take me 20 seconds.

2.) I caught the tail end of a radio advertisement that informed me, "Tis the season to be smurfy" 

Yes as in the smurfs. I guess I'm gonna have get my smurf on later today or something..

3.) This is the Christmas song I heard driving in the car this morning.

4.). There is a street known as "Kestor Dr." which makes me think of Keestors (aka BUMS)

Which in turn makes me think of this:

5.) Sign out front of a design store called Castro's, "Keep Christ in Christmas!" 

Thoughts... soon enough they are going to be telling me, "Keep CHRIST in CHRISTina!" (for those of you who only know me as Teen..my real name is Christina) Lets make note of the fact that I think Christ has been out of most people's Christmas holiday for a while. A holiday where we max out our credit cards to keep up with the Jones' and eat so much we have to unbutton our pants..Doesn't scream Jesus to me. But I get it South, I took a moment and let Christ into my heart then I found out about a bank robbery/high speed chase/shootout (which left one dead, another in critical condition) that happened a half a mile down the road from your location and really wished that they had read your sign before as well. Or maybe they were Jewish, read your sign and decided to rob a bank because they don't even celebrate CHRISTmas.

Anyways I just want to remind you all to keep some love, patience, sincerity, and kindness in whatever holiday you celebrate this season. ( Let's not forget life in general)

Love your family and friends.

Be patient with them as well (and strangers in those long lines at the store remember they are doing the same last minute shopping as you too!)

Be sincere about the love and kindness you give.

And practice random acts of kindness wherever you go. 

My friend Lagios and I were once eating some yummy food in the old port a couple of years ago and he gave his unfinished meal to a homeless man walking by. Lag is not usually a serious dude and often tested my patience, but he made up for every moment I wanted to strangle him in that one small and seriously awesome act of generosity and kindness.

6.) And watch this video too pwease.

Merry Whatever and Happy Whatchamacallit!

Your random and all over the place 

Dose of Teen <3

Text of the Day

(207): Just my luck. The non druggiest person...at the druggiest campus.
(207): Hahahaha yessir. I mean what else is there to do in nh?
(207): Take a tour on the Thomas Laighton!
(207): No idea what that even is and I feel bad you do.

(207): That's the fucking boat I work for.


Boyfriend of the year award goes too....

the WORST

Brushing your teeth..forgetting you just brushed your teeth
then drinkings a nice glass of OJ

Tripping when there isn't a soul in sight (you feel like a loser laughing alone)

Banging your elbow on any sort of hard surface/object

Starting to make mac n cheese when you realize you have no milk

Walking in on your best friend and your girlfriend doing the dirty...in your bed.

Thinking the guy you madeout with last night was a 10 when we was really a 4.

When someone finds your tattered, torn, rag-like blankey in your bed and the expression on their face tells all.

Thinking people are talking about Venice, Italy..when it's really Venice, CA.

Smacking your hand into the glass of your window in front of the bank teller.

Burning the cookies.

When the dentist asks you, " Have you been flossing regularly?"

When you make your plane but your luggage doesn't.

Passing out in public.

Running in public and not wanting to stop even though your dead tired because you think everyone in their cars are judging you.

When your boyfriend tells you, "I wouldn't be against it if you got a boob job hunny"

Waking up early.

The first Christmas you find out Santa isn't real..Christmas morning will never be the same.

Realizing that your parents are not superheroes and just as human and capable of making mistakes as you.

Dropping your bagel bite facedown on the floor..picking it up..and all the cheesey goodness remains on the floor.

Getting stuck Clark Grizwald style in a rotary.

Pumping gas during a sleeting/snowstorm mid-January with no gloves, a sweatshirt, and flip flops.

Being "that girl" at the party.

Having your friend explain what happened the morning after.

When your to-go order...isn't your to-go order.

Having to poop really bad...in public.


the WORST dose of Teen

You're own "worsts" are welcome :0)

A Delightful Boston Evening: Wienersnitzel, Beer, and Snickerdoodles.

Synopsis:
Hanging out at a German Restaurant
Slow cookin' Carolina style pulled pork
Apparating to parties
Silver bullets and photos
Lovin' pulled pork at 3am
Chattin' with Anastasia at Dunks

German restaurants not a place I frequent quite often. But when there's a deadly combination of man-children, beer, fried pickles, chili nachos , and bratwurst sandwiches you really can't pass up such a blog provoking time.

Things discussed at the table:
Sexual innuendos about a liquor store and German sausages
Berating of Lopesie's crimson crusted bed linens (don't ask, don't tell)
Donating kidney's to your husband  (purely fucking epic/ true story)
The God-like creation of Buffalo Chicken Mac N Cheese
The Incredible Eating Abilities of Nick Vennochi

Back at the homeland:
A brief power nap, trip to the liquor store, and someone mistaking my hairspray for whipped cream.. we all geared up to adventure out god knows where (this group of gents is like a combo of non-declawed kittens and bulls in a very small china closet)

Party:
Acquiring two for one beers
Being social butterflies
Favorite animated movie moments typical college party chatter ( Finding Nemo, The Brave Little Toaster, The Lion King)
No toilet paper in the bathroom (a sad realization for all girls who had to pee at the party..including me..drip dry is only okay for dishes)
Attempted fights
Harry Potter references
ex bf/gf sexual hate tension ( awkward in any other situation but this) Typical conversations include "I hate you" -smiling and exchanging of hugs " If you were a man I would punch you in the face right now" "I wish you would"

Mission: Get Home Safe and Snuggle
Cab ride with a cabbie using a GPS. Excuse me?
Berating a drunken, petite, girl who attempted to trip us on the street ( What a great idea too, how nice of you to extend your back leg in an attempt at watching me fall on my face, that's ONLY funny in big daddy you stupid biotch!)
Trying to take on a group of four dudes, two chicks with two dudes and one chick (potentially possible, but we were hungry and tired..and of course smart.)
Molesting the pulled pork, cole slaw, and bulkie roles at 3am to make everyone a delicious and inspiring late night snack
Being hand served warmed snickerdoodle cookies before bed

Wearing brown leather boots, UNH capri sweatpants, a baby seal shirt, and day old crusty makeup to dunks the next morning. SIGN OF A GOOD NIGHT.

A Bostonian Dose of Teen :0)

Morning Thoughts..again

1.) How the hell do I make a meal with potatos, sweet potatos, gruyere cheese, quark cheese, pasta, spinache, green beens, and a variety of herbs. Okay...I'm starting to get some ideas..

2.) When did Meghan Fox get married...oh this summer..cool, way to know my pop culture.


3.) I can't wait to use my "you pick 4" meat coupon at Shaws! (SO sad.)

4.) Am I really almost done Christmas shopping? Unbelievable!

5.) My bank account has a concerned look on it's face...

6.) Pizza is a perfectly healthy breakfast.

7. )The following are twitter posts from @Lord_Voldemort7...I love him.

• The US might pass a bill that bans sales of "unhealthy food" during school hours. You're right US, bake sales. That's your biggest problem.
• #thingsImiss My nose.

• Emma Watson says her "college bff" has never read a HP book or seen a movie. Bullshit. That screams "I have a shrine in a secret chamber".

 8.)   The early show sucks. TODAY SHOW RULES. but I mean who wants to change the channel when it's early and you haven't been able to find your remote for 6 months..





9.) Where the hell is my remote!


10.) Do lobster's really love Guinness Bull Feeney's? ..and really this is thought number 11 but I promised myself I would keep it to 10...Am I the only person in the universe without a twitter?




A thought inspired dose of Teen

Oh CHRISTmas!

 The holidays are a time of excitement.
 Except when you are a college student to whom December snuck up on you in the middle of the night sometime after Thanksgiving.  What I have to study for tests? I have massive presentations due? I have to make a Yankee pot roast? Slice dodines and glue clementines to plates with honey?
...Okay maybe the first two only for you guys.

Anyways, I am determined to attempt to slightly enjoy the holiday season whether it is enjoying a couple of Christmas songs along the drive to work, have a holiday dinner party with friends, or to purchase the Starbucks Christmas blend so that my apartment smells like Christmas coffee!

Here are a few things that help me and in turn may help you.

There is nothing better than the first snowstorm. When this happens I hope some of you aren't working or stuck doing housework. I hope you throw on a big comfy sweatshirt cuddle up on the couch with a crappy Christmas movie or a big fat book. Why crappy you may ask because the movie is not your main goal my friend. The book and movie are merely aids in your process of taking your first holiday snow slumber!! Enjoy it, when you wake up groggy, warm, and in a winter wonderland you will feel like Santa's best friend ready to pounce on Christmas like a baby kitten.


When someone reminds you of why you love the holidays. My mom sent me a LIVING miniature Christmas tree from L.L. Bean. It is decorated with adorable little holly berries and twinkling white lights. Not to mention it smells like the forest in my living room. AWESOME

I get to pull out my favorite winter hat and sport it EVERYWHERE. I have owned this hat since I was 14 years old..so SEVEN years. At one point in time it was scratch and sniff and smelled like strawberries. Truth be told the hat is actually a strawberry. It's a strawberry shortcake hat, the old school Ms. Shortcake, not the new super girlie, oddly human like, modernized cartoon image. This hat pays homage to an amazing character to whom I own a Halloween costume, make the dessert, and pack my mother's lunch in her metal lunchbox. Rock on old school shortcake!

Winter beverages

hot cider, hot chocolate, Starbucks holiday collection, EGG NOG ( sometime I think my dad and I are the only people in the world who love egg nog..GUYS it doesn't taste like eggs, it delicious.

Holiday movies
The Santa Clause, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, The Poloar Express, that weird movie where Kelsey Grammar is attack by a Santa suit....

She wants it.

Mistle toe..excellent tool for getting a little smooch action

Ugly sweaters, where the person in the ugliest holiday clothing is the most likely to get laid.

A nice warm fire or you know... just being able to afford heat in the winter...

Anyway, just enjoy the small things, it's not about the gifts, it's about enjoying the time you have with the people you care about. THE BEST GIFT POSSIBLE.
awww soo corny :0)

A cheerful dose of Teen