While on my mini vaca in FLO-RIDA I had the privilege of attending my cousin's bridal shower. You see I've been holding out on you guys...I am a member of a bridal party. Oh yeah I'm holding out even more. Not only will I be gracing one wedding with my presence but I will be in TWO that's correct TWO weddings this summer. HOW will I handle all the parties? More importantly how will my wallet handle them? All that white, stress, and shit. Whatevs, I've taken a very zen approach to it all as you can tell by my toilet paper wedding dress in which a bunch of older women taped me into. Is my bum showing? NBD. Buddha you complete me. My zen garden of hope will hold my dress together. There are flowers on it from my zen garden to help my bum from exploding from my dress. And just like Hilary Swank in THE NEXT KARATE KID I have a super ninja veil. MY GOD its obvious why I won BEST TOILET PAPER BRIDE ( a serious accomplishment folks) Granted my cousin Michelle (far right) looked phenom. I would wear that dress as my actual wedding dress it was so nice! Poor ally in the middle can't even move. She being suffocated by a taffeta Python. So I only won because I basically cheated. We had to "walk the runway" to a little Billie Jean by MJ...and I decided to do a slutty dance and get low on the ground (even Buddha couldn't keep my dress on) off my bottom came leaving me looking like a mummy ninja and open went my relatives grandmother's mouth as I dipped and shoot it low and then nuzzled the brides face into my chest. The room was cheering, I was a toilet paper hot mess, and I WON!
Oh yeah my other job besides slutty dancer at the party was to make that ridiculous hat for the bride out of bows. I KNOW I KNOW. it's beautiful.
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